Apple Pie
by Vanamo
Summary: Regina has a bad case of magical hormones. Slight crack. Swan Queen.


Most days, Regina Mills was not a person to be crossed in Emma Swan's book. Sure, Emma had put her toe out of line more than once, to test the waters. By the time she and the mayor had settled into a tolerable relationship - mainly arguments in public and mainly fucking in private - Emma could read Regina pretty well. There were ground rules in the Mills house: dinner was at 6:15 sharp, Henry's bedtime at 8:00, and Emma was to show up exactly at 8:30 if she wanted dessert. And that was the only time masks came off. Regina made it clear that she controlled things, and a little bit of rule breaking was what got her off. That was the routine, and it worked for both of them.

When Emma Swan entered the mayor's office at 4:36 that afternoon, Regina was in less than a mood to deal with a disturbance - both in her workday and to their agreement. Even more brazenly, the sheriff took a seat on the edge of Regina's mahogany desk. It had been a terrible day for the blonde: Emma had had to arrest one of Leroy's buddies for coping a feel on Ruby, and then had to arrest Ruby for punching the guy in the nads. Doctor Whale took way too much pleasure in being called in, seeing Ruby in the cell like that. Then Emma told him why he was there, and the asshole just walked out. Sidney had also been there, snapping pictures left and right with a sly grin. Emma decided to take care of the latter, the one thing being the sheriff gave her decent power to do. Go to the mayor and bitch. Or just make the mayor her bitch for the rest of the afternoon.

"Sidney is just doing his job," Regina scowled by the time Emma was finished. Regina was not having the greatest day herself. The one thing that she missed about her former world was a wonderful little potion colloquially known as a Royal Raspberry, aka the only known brew to keep a woman immune to the flood of hormones that preceded that lovely time of the month. In fact, it got rid of it entirely. You'd think that after 28 years of living with something almost all women must experience, Regina would be used to it. But without fail, this was her one weakness - she became rash, easily angered, and frustrated. Then, as if a fairy flicked her wand, she would have the urge to sob and devour apple pies.

"Your job is to control him," Emma retorted. "Why don't you do that instead of looking menacing in your office all day?"

Regina felt the blood rush to her head as she stood up to meet the blonde on eye level with every intent of spitting fire right back.

But fuck, there was the fairy dust.

"Why are you so mean," Regina.. whined? Emma frowned. She brushed a stray piece of hair from the mayor's face and recieved a slap to the hand in response.

"What the hell?" Emma exclaimed. "What's with you?"

"There you go again!" Regina screamed in a high pitched - seriously annoying - voice, as opposed to her usual husky tone. "You're always doing that," she pouted.

Emma was having a hard time controlling herself so as not to gape as the brunette proceeded to kick off her heels and fall face first on the leather couch against the wall. She heard a groan and was quickly by Regina's side. "Ok, you must be coming down with something to be acting so.."

"So what?" Regina shot back. Oh, the magic had worn off. She sat up and Emma jumped back in surprise. "Finish your sentence, sheriff, and do not sit there on my floor staring like a bafoon."

Emma was just pissed off by now. "Ok, I'm done playing. Call me when you decide to stop acting like a melodramatic version of the woman I usually enjoy fucking."

Poof!

"Wait," Regina pleaded, running after the blonde. She sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around Emma's knees. "I'm sorry, Em," she put on her best puppy face. "Please make love to me?"

Emma shook her head. She was hallucinating. Only explanation. With one clean motion, she picked up the most illustrious emotional mayor and threw her over her shoulder. "Emma!"

The blonde ignored her and pushed open the door. Regina's secretary dropped the phone she was holding between her head and shoulder.

"The mayor is taking the afternoon off, Sylvia," the sheriff promptly explained before kicking the door open to the sidewalk.

"Em-ma," Regina drew out her name, "Since we're out, can we get ice cream?"

Some time later, Regina Mills awoke with a terrible headache. The room was dimly lit but there was a TV on. She then realized that she found herself to be at home, on the living room couch, with her head in the lap of a certain sheriff.

"Miss Swan," Regina cleared her throat to keep her voice steady. "Would you please explain to me what happened, that I arrived in this.. position?"

"Oh, nothing," Emma said nonchalantly. "Just a little change of pace. Want some apple pie?"


End file.
